Pain

August 23, 2010


Scared for my life and kicking myself for letting it happen again. Torn between hope and total agony. Waiting for the drop of the axe on my neck; egarly, hope still biting at me. Back to those desperate days filled with saddnes and bad decisions. Oh god. The anticipation. Why is it taking so long? It’s really happening, isn’t it? Why? Why, why, why, why, why?!! This is too much pain. Hope. Despair. Hope again. Never could let that go, could I? Always had to cling on no matter how painful it was. My mind ponders a replacement. The sooner the better. Push the pain away, mask it with a destraction, a human sacrifice. I’m scared. I’m so scared. But do I dare ask again? Do I want this answer? Do I want to be put out of my misery? It was my fault wasn’t it? It always is. I’m horrible. Let me fix it please. That’s the hope again. But I know, you’ll break me in two then crumble those pieces until there is nothing left.

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